While reading the first chapter of Brendan Burchard’s new book, The Charge, the image of cages and of being caged in life came to me. A specific cage appeared – the kind that is in a ‘train’ at the circus holding the cats (tigers, lions, leopards, etc.). Each animal has it’s own cage, the train being led to the ‘stage cage’ for the performance. At the right moment, the cages are opened and the animal file in to perform. When they are finished ‘acting’, they are led back to their cages. You get the picture.

It occurred to me that many of us lead ‘caged’ lives. We get into a comfortable routine, or get resigned to how our lives are. We go through the motions. We have the job, the family, the house, etc. and lack the joy, fulfillment, and satisfaction. Occasionally, we get out of the cage, we get prodded to the performance area – our work, our athletic endeavors, our family occasion – do our ‘act’ and then get back in our cages.

How can we break out of this cage? How can we get the support we need to be the best we can as fathers, husbands, sons, brothers, and workers. In my work, I have found the power of connection – the intentional connection with other men – helps me and others to be out of the cage, to be living fulfilling lives. Yes, it takes connection, it also takes intention, being aware of one’s purpose, and being able to see and deal with the hidden saboteur – the one we listen to that gets in the way of our living a satisfying life as the best man we can be.

Need help? You have found it! Contact me for a free, introductory coaching session and get out of your cage!


The Way, starring Martin Sheen, is not the best movie created, not even close. HOWEVER, it is a great message about a man’s journey to complete his son’s journey and life. Here is the quick ‘about’ from IMDb: “A father heads overseas to recover the body of his estranged son who died while traveling the “El camino de Santiago,” and decides to take the pilgrimage himself.”

This movie brings to mind our journeys as fathers of sons. While we are not ‘on the road’ with them for every moment, we do share their journey Sometimes the sharing is on a frequent basis, hearing all the details. For others, it comes from a distance, sporadically.

For all, it occurs in our minds, in our hearts, each and every day. We share the ups and downs, successes and failures. At times we are elated, at others down. Is there relief from the wondering about whether or not we could have done a better job? We give our best in each moment, in each challenge, in each opportunity. We pray that he turns out. We let go and, ultimately, accept.

Where are you on the journey with your son? Who supports your through it? What fathers are you connected to that share this journey?


“How Do I Focus?”


Today, I had the opportunity and pleasure to hear a talk given by Dan Heath, co-author of Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard. After Dan’s talk, people had the opportunity to take a picture with him. One of the photographers asked his subject, using her camera, “How do I focus?” Her response […]

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A recent article in Fast Company magazine made me realize why I started The Surround and gave men a chance to connect. The article, in the February ’12 edition, is entitled Generation Flux. It begins by saying that the future of business is pure chaos and gives suggestions for people surviving the chaos. The sidebars […]

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Where are your dead spots?


This morning, I walked into a client meeting and told him that I had not received a text he said that he sent. We compared phones and he noticed that the text he thought was sent actually failed. His response, “I have some dead spots.” Of course, he meant that there were weak signals in […]

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